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This covenant relationship also represents the union between Christ and His Body the church. I should check out your hubs; it sounds like you touch on similar topics!

Hui - I'm so glad you recognized there were dangers or issues with honesty and backed away from unfortunate situations. IN NO EVENT WILL CHRISTIANCAFE. How I wish there were a way to ban them from the entire Internet. Elements of happy men and women have met their soul mates on CaribbeanCupid and have shared their stories with us. Roniti, I need some few token of your helped. TCC reserves the right to immediately suspend or terminate your access to TCC service, without any prior notice, upon any breach of this Sol by you which is brought to TCC's attention.

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Online Dating Cons and Scams - Purpose Embraced - Thanks so much for your comments, and for passing along the information! In fact, some of our members log in multiple times a day just to converse in the forums!

His picture looks like he's a nice guy, and he's so cute. She's really young and sexy, and she said she wanted to meet you. How could he be a gigolo? How could she be so deceptive? While many couples meet, date and even marry through online sites, not all online encounters lead to wedded bliss, and some can lead to financial or emotional disaster. Sadly, these con artists don't wear signs telling you to beware and run the other direction. They are quite good at appearing honest and innocent, and extremely skilled in conning people out of their money, their virtue and their dignity. Here are some common tricks used by professional scammers, and ways to avoid getting into their traps. The written profiles of online scam artists on dating sites have gotten much trickier to spot in the past several years. The poor writing and bad spelling so common a few years ago is less often as evident; profiles can be expertly written these days. The best way to spot con artists through their profiles is to scrutinize the content. Here are some things to watch for: Men targeting women: It's not unusual for these men to claim to be widowed, and frequently they will claim to have one young child a son about eight years old seems to be common, for some reason, but it can be any age. They can also claim they're caring for an elderly parent. Often, either in the profile or in one of the first messages they'll send, they'll mention they are 'working' in a foreign country. Be advised, the 'son' or elderly parent doesn't exist, and neither does Mr. The con artist mentions the fake son or other relative to lay the groundwork for conning you out of money. More on that in a bit. The rest of the profile can be written quite excellently - the reason is, they have cut and pasted paragraphs from real profiles and these are used to build the 'fake' profiles. Some less polished con artists are still new at the game, and you may still see profiles in broken English and poorly written not just bad spelling by a real person , which can be a very strong indicator of a problem. Does the profile specifically say they are an American Citizen? This very likely means it's a con artist. The reason is, real American Citizens don't go around identifying themselves that way. That is an abnormal statement, and therefore, a red flag. Sometimes con artists will mess up by listing hobbies if the online dating site has places to list them that aren't normal for men, such as knitting, crafts, etc. In recent years, the con artists have figured out this can tip people off, so it happens less often now. Women targeting men: Female con artists who target men can appear very enticing if they claim to be from another country - the more exotic, the better. Unlike scammers who target women, these con artists will rarely claim to have children; it is not as attractive to male victims as it might be with female victims to connect with someone who has children. However, they will often be living with an elderly parent or other fragile relative. Again, this sets up the scenario for needing money. Often, the 'young woman' will claim to be finishing her education, or to have a small business or otherwise sound industrious and somewhat educated. As with the con artists targeting women, these scammers can frequently have well-written profiles rather than the broken language of a few years ago. But since they may already claim to live in another country, poor language isn't always a problem. Online scam artists capitalize on tugging at your heart and appearing normal in every way. A few years ago, they used to be easy to spot, because there usually wasn't a photo and the profile was often poorly written, in broken English. In recent years, this is no longer the case, which means potential victims are even more vulnerable than before. The photo looks amazing: Many con artists who troll dating sites now use photos that are almost too good to be true, or look slightly 'off' for some reason. Men targeting women: Con artists targeting women will often post model-perfect photos on the profile page. The guy looks like he could be in magazine ads; handsome, viral, posed just right - like a professional head shot for a portfolio, which it probably is, and the person in the photo likely doesn't know he's being used to con women. Naturally, there are indeed some handsome men out there looking for dates, but if you get a flirtatious message from a guy whose profile photo is beyond cute, don't rush in until you assess things a bit. Another type of photo to beware of is one that just plain doesn't look 'right' for your culture. If you live in the United States and you get a message from some guy who just doesn't dress like guys do here I saw one of a middle-aged man in white pedal pushers and a red-striped T-shirt, on a sailboat , check him out further before moving on. Women targeting men: Often, the photos will be of incredibly sexy, young and beautiful. She thinks you're the man of her dreams, even if you're in your 50s, overweight and no longer Mr. The photos can be overly provocative the con artist wants to get your attention , or sometimes look less suggestive, but very exotic. Men who get online messages from much younger women should assess whether the goal is financial and whether conning could be the motive. Certainly, there are successful relationships with age differences in the couple, but the anonymity an online venue provides makes potential victims even less able to evaluate the situation than in person. And we all know that many people end up being conned in person, too. Do you think you can recognize an online con artist if you meet one? Since you probably are not the one who initiated contact by clicking on the profile and sending a message , your first contact with them will likely be when the con artist send you a message wanting to meet you. Here are a few things to watch for: They claim an instant attraction: If you get a message saying someone more or less fell for you the minute they read your profile, beware. They usually claim they read your great sweet, caring, whatever profile and that they saw how beautiful or cute you are look and they want to meet you, because you might be the one for them. Potential victims have been known to get messages saying they're beautifuor handsome when they haven't even posted a photo, and comments about being sweet and terrific when the text in their profile is practically empty. Immediately asking you to instant message or email: This is a huge, huge red flag. If you get a message from someone you've never connected with before and they include their email and IM address, run fast. Anyone upstanding on a dating site will not push you into offline communication in their first message. Online scam artists almost always push for this right off the bat. If you trade emails with them but you say you don't do Instant Messaging, they may even go as far as creating an account for you and send you the username and password. Instant messaging works better than emailing for these tricksters because they can create an air of immediacy and urgency, and they can lure you back to the conversation quickly. Emails are a first step if you don't go for the request to IM, but those are more difficult scams for the con artists to manage, because they know you may read them right away, or hours or days later. Phone contact: The con artist may or may not ask you to talk by phone. Some are quite good at pulling off the con job with no contact other than IM or email. This is especially important if they have a distinct accent that would tip you off that they aren't who they've represented themselves to be. Laying the groundwork for the con: This will likely be a family emergency of some sort, such as the 'son' or 'elderly parent' needing surgery. It can also be an agreement to meet you in person, at your expense. These people have no conscience - this is their industry; they've honed their skills and they're good at it. Often, the con artist is very skilled at getting you to offer whatever they want; they don't even need to ask for it, you volunteer it. Family crisis scams: At some point, often fairly early, they will begin setting the stage for an emergency that only you and your money can solve. They generally don't ask for money directly although they can. Instead, they lay out a scenario that appeals to your sympathy. The son or elderly parent suddenly gets sick, and they send you messages with regular updates, clearly showing their anxiety. But the illness or the surgery they need isn't covered by insurance. Or the only place that can perform the surgery is in another city, and they don't have airfare to get there. Note that these are quite often indirect strategies. They do not openly ask for money - they simply begin the sob story carefully and slowly to suck you in and get you to offer the help. You are presented with the opportunity, not the specific request, in many cases. If you fail to offer the help, they may get brazen enough to ask for it. But since they are actively pursuing other victims at the same time they're conning you, why waste time going that far? Travel cons: Another ploy is to woo and entice you to meet in person, but of course, you need to buy the tickets. They then cash in the tickets and take the money. Some victims have even been conned a second or their time by claims that the tickets were stolen or had to be cashed in for an emergency. The con artist will keep draining the victim as long as possible. The groundwork for travel cons involves you sending them money to buy tickets or sending the actual tickets with a plan to meet somewhere else. Obviously, the con won't work if you travel to where they live for one thing, they probably don't really live there , because there would be no need to send them money for a ticket. There will be some reason they can't meet you on their turf; they will agree to meet you somewhere else, but will not be able to afford the tickets for the trip. Conning through business investments or purchases: Maybe their family business is in trouble - the elderly parent didn't pay taxes right before they died and your new love will lose the business. Or they've got a great business that will take their entire family out of poverty, if only they have pick a dollar amount for licenses, government approval, plumbing in the building or some other expense. Scamming money for debts or repairs: Con artists can introduce sad stories about debts they need to pay before they can marry someone, or car repairs they need in order to visit you or keep their job. They will claim they can't leave the country until the debt is paid, or that they can't leave their sickly relative without paying for health equipment they need. There are numerous real and fictitious examples of con artists at their best. Here are a few real-life and fiction examples that show how scammers do their work: Jessica Vega has been indicted for fraud and grand larceny and is accused of faking leukemia in order to get others to pay for an expensive wedding and honeymoon. The case hasn't been tried yet, but the type of behavior she is accused of is similar to cons used on Internet dating sites the fake illness ploy. The young Nigerian in this news story claims he conned at least 33 men out of millions of dollars. Other instances have been reported as well, too numerous to catalog here. The man, nearly three times younger than she is, was arrested in an investigation of money laundering. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels: This classic movie, staring Steve Martin and Michael Caine, was later made into a successful Broadway musical. Although the movie is a comedy, the techniques used by the two lead characters are typical of the 'conning through persuasion' strategies used by professional con artists. Both characters smoothly lie to their victims and set them up for their cons. The clip here shows how Michael Caine's character has wooed various women to con them out of money, then, through Steve Martin's character pretending to be an out-of-control sibling, drives them away. This creates a situation where the victim ends the relationship because it cannot be sustained, which means the con artist gets by with it. Please excuse the overdone character Steve Martin plays here; no offense is intended by showing this clip. Pillow Talk : This classic comedy features a handsome man Rock Hudson deceiving an attractive woman Doris Day in the name of romance. The movie was so popular that the two stars were paired in a subsequent film, Lover Come Back, with a new spin on the same basic theme. Films of this type suggest to audiences that con artists can redeem themselves and be worthy mates. HouseSitter: In the name of gender equality, we need to mention at least one female con-artist in the film industry. Goldie Hawn portrays a deceiving and manipulating con-artist throughout the entire movie. Typical of comedies, though. And, of course, they live happily if dishonestly ever after. Part of their job is to protect you and other potential victims. Often, site administrators have ways to see if the individual is indeed a scammer and they will delete the person's profile. Their Instant Message address, email account, phone number, skype address and other channels through which they've contacted you can help the right authorities track them down. Final words: If you're on a dating site, go slowly. It can make people giddy with excitement to think there are people all over the world, just waiting to meet them. Take time to learn about the individual the same way you would in person. Watch for the warning signs as well as the good signs, and don't be afraid to back away if red flags start appearing. © 2010 by Marcy Goodfleisch, MA. Marcy has researched and taught university-level courses about ethics, sociopathic behaviors and other subjects. This article was originally researched in 2008, written in 2010 and subsequently published on this site. This one can be tricky - obviously, some legitimate military members are looking for romance. Check the rank on the uniform you can search online to match it , and ask them what rank they are. Ask them what they do for the military. Search to see if their image matches someone else. If their writing sounds fake, it probably is a scammer. I was once contacted by a guy with four stars all 4-star generals are listed online , and he claimed to be a surgeon. I found the image of the real person and informed them, and Facebook eventually deleted the guy. This is true, ScamPolice - and the same goes for male profiles. You're right that some sites create fictitious profiles just to attract victims. They'll use stock photos or photos of someone who doesn't know their image is being used and then create artificial lives. It's beyond evil for people to con their victims romantically as well as financially. Thanks for reading the hub, and for your comment! Do an Internet search for information on the definition in your state or country. You can start making regular complaints with specific details , to develop the trail of evidence. You might also contact a center for abused women to see what channels they're aware of. They may not be able to help you directly unless you're in immediate danger , but they should know applicable laws and resources. Some things are not legally considered stalking, but some are. Best of luck - I hope you find some local sources for help. I was also the victim of marriage fraud, and it's a devastating experience. You're in my prayers. The only options that come to mind are perhaps the ACLU American Civil Liberties Union , or perhaps help from a high-profile internship group at a major university. Seriously, I'd contact the top tier law professors - some might love taking on this issue. That's how some death row cases have been overturned. Have you considered contacting 2020 or 60 Minutes? I guarantee that the government in NZ would not want the negative publicity. Best of luck - and let us know what happens. Take care of yourself, and don't hesitate to get some helpful counseling if it's available. So glad you liked the hub. It's even more scary when you realize there are some entire cultures that have decided they're good places to scam people. If you send money overseas, you will likely never get it back, even through legal channels, because there are few ways to track it after it's left the USA. Some sites even use religion to 'sell' their services by implying people will find the mate God picked for them. LoveDoctor - Many thanks for your kind remarks! I should check out your hubs; it sounds like you touch on similar topics! Hui - I'm so glad you recognized there were dangers or issues with honesty and backed away from unfortunate situations. It takes a lot of strength to say 'no' to something that seems to offer all you've ever wanted in life but that has red flags. ChitragadaSharan - Thanks for reading, and for your comments! Yes, vigilant is a good word for it. Almost every week, we read about online scams of some sort, and our hearts are not immune to those scams. I'm not sure some of our technology is even good for us anymore. Building cyber dating relationships over face to face interaction - I know it's just the way things are going, so I'm glad this article has been written to point out the numerous dangers of online dating scams. I do think there are sites that look for 'marketable' people for various demographics, such as good-looking guys to attract women, or vice versa. Just another reason to avoid these sites, I think. Randy Godwin - Thanks so much for reading and commenting! You can call me Mary anytime you want to. Snakes count with me, and you're one of my favorites! I love your writing. John Sarkis - Hi, John - I appreciate your votes and the share! Thanks for dropping by and reading! Cherry - You are indeed fortunate to have met someone worthy. I've seen the sick kid tricks, the 'widowed' guys who claim to have one son always eight-years-old, I noticed , and I know of men who were scammed by women with sickly grandparents. They're absolute masters at it, and they know how to build the scam slowly rather than jumping in and making it obvious. Thanks for your comments here. I am honored it was selected for HOTD; there are so many great hubs on this site! Bobbi - I need to read your hub - it sounds like it covers some information mine doesn't address. I like the idea of background checks. I am not sure how a site could verify the right person was being researched maybe they should get the NSA involved? I joined a few church sites, and there was no way to guarantee people were actually members of the church, so there were some really bad apples on it. I have done hours of research about online dating sites as I did a hub on it. And, I also warned to never join a site that did not do background checks on the members and verify their information. And, I would even desire Drug Screening for the local sites. However, you have gone even further about the scams and the creeping evil fungi bottom-feeders who prey on trusting women and men. This is great and I hope the ones who are looking online read this and keep this information to judge their online use and can learn to read between the lines. Thanks for this hub and have a wonderful week. Thanks for reading the hub, and for your kind words! I'm sort of in the 'banned the sites for life' mode right now, but I have indeed met good friends of both genders on the sites I've visited. Mixed feelings, I guess? Suzettenaples - As many others have said, there are some success stories on those sites. I think it's like driving a car; you have to know the road you're on, and recognize the dark alleys if you see one. Hope this information is helpful, if you do try the sites! Purpose Embraced - Thanks so much for your comments, and for passing along the information! Those who are in the dating mode do need to know what to avoid. KoraleeP - Oh yes, I have started getting those odd FB messages, too! I don't know how they find us there. I do know that some people have fallen for people on the dating sites, and also on Facebook. How I wish there were a way to ban them from the entire Internet. Thanks for your comments! If the picture includes a woman, and if she's part of a scamming operation, what probably happened was that whomever rubs the scam has women he can use for photo ops. If you had not revealed your name, that would indeed be creepy. It's possible she or they could have gotten your name from a social site or picked it together somehow from other information. If you're on IM, I have heard but not verified that people can hack into your computer that way. I'm not sure that's the case we would hear people screaming about it , but since hackers can even install webcam software and operate it remotely, just about anything can happen. If you feel these are scammers, get as much of their information as possible and report them to every possible agency. Thanks for answering my calls.. I missed you so much.. Roniti, why I called you I was having some little issue, Because my Business visa, has expired, that was the reason why I called you.. Roniti, I need some few token of your helped.. Kindly give me your urgent response.. Have a Blessed evening.. Moses------------ Am I right.??????? They are always temporarily working in another country, and usually it's Africa. The reason they reveal that right away is so it won't come as a surprise when there's an 'emergency' and they need money. Or when their fake son, mother, grandparent whatever needs an operation. Or when they claim they need money for a ticket to come and see you. His claim of only recently moving to your area is so there won't be a way to check him out locally. These people are beyond dishonest - really awful. If there's some way to get his IP info or whatever, you could perhaps report him to federal agencies. Be sure to report him to the dating site and get him banned. And do not IM with anyone like that. I've heard they can hack into computers from that, but I'm not sure. As for the flowery poems, I'm sure he's sent those to many women. Said he lived about 30 minutes away. He also wants to chat on yahoo messenger. He hasn't asked for money yet. I almost want to toy with him but it wouldn't be fair to him. His answers are very vague and says he just recently moved to my area from Washington only 2 months before he left for AFRICA. So does't really answer questions I ask him about that area. Thought I would share. I will say he is charming BUT WILL NOT waste my time messaging him anymore. My Mom just entered the dating field after being divorced from her 25 year marriage and she's been complaining a lot about scams she's running into. From what she hears from friends, who were scammed with rebound marriages, she's also going to insist on a prenup if she marries again. Scary online dating world out there. Hope I can keep my marriage together so I don't find myself in it. While managing my account at a social media site, I received a private message from a guy and introduced himself. I looked at his profile pic -- the guy looked ruggedly handsome, at least on that photo. He was seeking friendship with me, and I started corresponding with him. And after that he would send me more PM's, and his words were becoming more romantic, flowery and passionate. He said he would satisfy my needs sexually, emotionally and financially -- and that he's living a comfortable life, does travelling as a hobby. He would call me up almost every morning. I wasn't quite falling for him yet but I found him charming. He said he would be ready to fly very soon to my country and visit me. He even said he was going to marry me, and buy a ring for me. I just went with the flow, though I was starting to like him very much... I just had to see how it would go. Until one time he PM'd me. And you know what? He said the authorities also needed money, and he said he didn't have anymore to pay them. So he was asking me for money, I said I didn't have much of that to save him. He insisted that I ask my friends and officemates for money -- even a check or a voucher, etc. All the romantic talk faded. At first I was genuinely worried about his so-called suffering. Hey, wait a minute... I realized that this guy was about to con me. So I replied to his offline messages and started taunting at him for days. He didn't reply to my messages and never bothered me again. I was almost a victim.. I'm glad I had the mind not to fall into this trap. I'm also glad you publish this hub, so that people will never be victims of this scam. Voted up and useful. This is so sad that people manipulate other people's emotions to get money from them, this is outrageous! One should olways be aware of risks he can run into. But I have met my husband online 5 years ago, we still together and very happy. So for joining a dating site was one othe the best decisions in my life. Don't let those con artist stop you from finding a date online, be careful and keep looking, Good luck! I strung him along for the rest of the time. Even told him i was on the next flight with money to help. Eventually, i fronted him about it and first he denied it, then admitted it. I was actually trying to get details from him about who the guy he was posing as, who the pictures were of, have tried various sites to reverse search the pics myself and cannot find him, only one site in oregon might have one pic. Lessons learnt, this site is very accurate. He was a man with a business working abroad, with a 6 year old son, claiming to live in London, when he was running everything from Nigeria. I wish a site could be created listing the names of men and women from these sites like POF and MATCH who claim they want a relationship and tell you how great you are, etc, but JUST want sex, or tell you how great you are, meet you, and pretend to like you because they think you have money, only to find out you don't and suddenly they're gone. That would border on slander, I'm sure, and some people would list names out of spite, but wouldn't it be great in a perfect world if there could be a list of these people to check. Not a DEFINITELY SCAMMERS list, but just a BE VERY CAUTIOUS if you talk with these people list. Sad, isn't it, how we women 40+ want to believe a guy. I've never been scammed out of money, I've been scammed of my feelings. Really, if a guy just wants sex, why can't he just ASK for it so we know AHEAD of time that its just going to be physical adult fun. Why must they go through the bulls--- of telling you how wonderful you are, what great chemistry you have, and what a great team you'd make? I've got a few names I'd love to start the list with. These 2 I don't believe are BAD men, but any woman that deals with them needs to use CAUTION so that they don't get their feelings hurt--because that REALLY lowers a woman's self esteem. I won't name them, but ladies just BE CAUTIOUS of VERY good looking 40-42 year old men from Boston, Vermont, and Enfield, CT. It's very sad to see the increasing instances of dating scams every year. Many of them are cottage industries in Third-World countries where groups of people troll websites dating or otherwise and send enticing messages. I guess the odds work in their favor, when they generate thousands of contacts but finally get big money when they pull someone into their net. As my German is still much desired for, it has been a long journey for me to decide what is real and what is not. I was wondering if you guys have any tips in recognizing foreign online dating page scams? Like the technicalities, without having to know the language well? Example of one of the pages I have found: It looks pretty trustworthy to me, what do you guys think? Thanks for reading and commenting here. I've been on a few sites, too, which is how I was able to research this hub. There are indeed people of both genders looking for money and a caretaker they generally want marriage, in order to get the caretaker benefits. The con artists are yet another breed - they're only out to scam people, right from the start. Either way, it's discouraging to sift through all that in the hopes of finding the diamond amongst the lumps of coal. Thanks for reading and commenting! Hope all is well with you! I actually received an email the other day from a new 'hubbber' he hasn't written anything yet, who said, 'I think you are cute, can you email me? I am divorced with a son and so on! I felt like writing back and saying, this isn't a dating site, but I didn't want him to know my email. I would never trust these sites, I have heard to many horror stories. I have watched programs on tv about women who give out thousands of pounds so that the guy can come over to the uk, or meet them abroad, and they never find them again after losing all that money. I feel like shaking them for their stupidity! You should write about that experience - I'm so glad you gave that example here. The con artists are experts; they know what will work how to get the money , and will quickly move on if they can't get cooperation. I met one woman who paid a guy's way to the USA, with the plan they would marry. He didn't even had standing in the church. The emotional recovery is so traumatic for people who have been conned. And then of course they've been damaged financially, too. Thank you for sharing this! You are so smart to have figured it out before you were taken advantage of. The scammer already had their info, so voila! I ran into a couple of those losers. They are generally tied to western Africa, like Ghana or Nigeria. Mine claimed to be half Cuban and half Nigerian, living in CA. By the way, they didn't get a nickel from me, though the attempt was made. Claimed mom was in the hospital in Nigeria and the US check wouldn't be accepted as it had to clear. I knew what was going to happen and I offered my Visa, but the hospital had to contact me. I was flatly refused and told it had to be Western Union or nothing. So I said, okay,nothing it is. And that was the end of that. Dating sites have become HUGE business profit. Box to respond to... I'm well aware thousands of people shop online for their friends, dates and lovers. Sometimes we get lucky. Throw the rice, wish them luck and watch them ride off into the sunset. This hub is excellent and it's all valuable info for cyber-daters to be aware of. But, as we humans continue to remain true to nature... What on earth makes you think you'll have the TIME to develop a relationship with Mr. Stud Muffin, once you meet him... Login This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. Akismet This is used to detect comment spam. 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